RIP Steven Tyler

Rocker Dead at 61

(originally published on Xanga August 06, 2009)

Steven Tyler has died after falling from a concert stage in South Dakota. Tyler was front man for the rock group Aerosmith, Beantown’s answer to Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Makeshift memorials have popped up all over the city of Boston where the group first grew to popularity among the city’s population of Irish American white trash. They often used Aerosmith’s music as the soundtrack to a night of wild drinking and beating up queers. Ironically, Tyler himself was widely rumored to be gay and was inseparable from purported lover Freddie Mercury during the 1970’s. Mercury, lead singer of the rock band Queen, died of AIDS in 1991. Many speculated that Tyler’s alleged struggle with Hepatitis C was in fact AIDS.

While it is a sad day in the rock world, many have taken comfort in the fact that Tyler died doing what he loved best – prancing around on stage like a little gay boy while singing machismo lyrics of highly fictitious heterosexual exploits, such as the chart topping “Love in an Elevator”.

Said Joe Perry, Aerosmith’s guitarist and Tyler’s long-time song writing partner, “I guess Satan needs another fag to suck off Apollyon while Legion pounds his asshole until he explodes in an eternal ejaculation of fiery magma.” When a reporter asked Perry why he thought Tyler in Hell, he responded, “Oh no, believe me, for Steven that is surely Heaven!”

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