EAT MORE LEGUMES ASSHOLE ! ! !
(originally published on Xanga January 18, 2010)
It’s a new year and time to start getting serious about nutrition you motherfuckers. That’s why I’ve decided to author a blog each month dedicated to teaching you fuck-faces how to eat right. And what better way to begin than with a group of foods that’s not only nutritious but also quite delicious as well? I’m talking about legumes you cocksuckers. With nearly an endless variety from which to choose, there’s sure to be a legume for every palate: there’s your fucking lentils and your fucking peas and your fucking beans, just to name a few. Let’s not forget about peanuts. That’s right shithead, believe it or not, peanuts are legumes! Who the fuck doesn’t like peanuts? Only a real douche bag – that’s who!
So what’s so fucking healthy about legumes you ask? For starters, they’ve got a shitload of protein which is essential for healthy muscles, bones, skin, and hair. A single half cup serving of legumes has as much as nine grams of protein. That’s almost 60x’s more than found in the average wad of cum your daddy swallows at the truck stop glory hole! Then there’s the amino acids, potassium, zinc, calcium – basically all the shit the doctor says you need more of when you get a physical. Legumes are also rich in iron which is particularly important for bitches since they get all depleted after ragging out each month. Most also contain a good amount of dietary fiber to help you shit better.
Among the many other benefits of eating legumes are the following:
- They lower your fucking cholesterol.
- They’re rich in antioxidants so they detoxify your ass.
- They help balance your glucose levels so you don’t get fat, lose your toes, and have to pee all night.
- They reduce the risk of getting cancer in your shit pipe.
- They make your skin look younger and healthier so you don’t turn into a wrinkled mess and cause your husband to start fucking the babysitter.
- They’re mad cheap! Even you unemployed white trash out there can afford to add them to your grocery list!
The next time you’re at your favorite fast food joint, consider ordering some lima beans instead of those greasy French fries you fat fuck. While you’re at it, maybe you should also opt for a salad instead of that Double Monster Thickburger. Be sure to add some lentils and kidney beans you fucking porker.
Here’s to a healthier 2010!
Oh, and your mother’s a whore.
That is all.
You’re right. My mother IS a whore.
And legumes ROCK.
Posted 1/19/2010 at 8:2 PM by TheDarkCreature
Posted 1/23/2010 at 12:29 AM by apyus