(originally published on Xanga May 13, 2010)
You guys, you guys – I’ve written a book! That’s right, little ol’ me is a published author! It’s called, PHANTASTIKA: A Collection of Shit Poetry and Unoriginal Stories About Fairies, Werewolves, and Other Stupid Stuff and will soon be available for your reading pleasure! Yeah, I know PHANTASTIKA should have been spelled with an “F” but an inferior author already stole the title and I didn’t want to risk you all buying her book accidentally instead of mine.
Anyway, I’ve written it in the most pretentious language possible (making frequent use of adjectives like “splendiferous”) to remind you of how intelligent I am despite my education from a fourth rate Canadian university. You’ll also find my trademark narcissism and morally reprehensible value system evident throughout. It’s 109 pages of pure inspiration!
Yes, I’ve finally made it! I can hardly believe it! I’ve no time to celebrate though. It’s time to get started on my next book already. I’m thinking of doing something about sex next, you know like the irresponsible advice I give to teenage girls in my “Dr. SKANLYN Speaks” posts. Yeah, I know, that one girl committed suicide when I encouraged her to sext her boyfriend and he forwarded it to the whole school but hey, just because it sucks to be her doesn’t mean the rest of us should suffer.
Anyway, be sure to order PHANTASTIKA when it hits the Kindle store in a few days. I’m sure my bestest Xanga buddy “terminal_is_existence” will be good for a hundred copies or so.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:0 PM by Kestryl
Too bad I just broke my Kindle over my doctors head… that sounds fantabulous.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:11 PM by TheDarkCreature
@DiaryOfAPsychopath – I wonder how many people are going to block me for this one.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:21 PM by SKANLYN
@frozencherries – I couldn’t have done it without the legions of dimwits who vote my every post to the top of the front page.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:36 PM by SKANLYN
That is quite an accomplishment. Hahah.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:35 PM by frozencherries
I will never understand why people block for humour LOL
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:28 PM by TheDarkCreature
@SerenaDante – When trying to do something big, don’t worry if a few people take shots at you. I am proud of you for chasing your dream.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 6:40 PM by TheTheologiansCafe
I don’t think I’m interested in it but congrats… the title is pretty lengthy and original though haha…
Posted 5/19/2010 at 1:1 AM by Cliffycliffz
:] I giggled. Very nice.
Posted 5/14/2010 at 12:29 AM by Lovebipolar117
I never claimed my writing was any good. Thanks for the 35 cents though! =)
Also, cool that you always get to the front page! My site is rated C, so unless I get featured, it’s not allowed on the front page.
Posted 5/13/2010 at 2:45 PM by SerenaDante
I was hoping more for poetry about trolling
Posted 5/13/2010 at 6:37 PM by SolidStateTheory
I think I’ll wait for the movie. See if Russell is available. He could play you!
Posted 5/13/2010 at 7:9 PM by Gaijinsays
Since your a Writer and we’re now BFF’s here’s a Story just for youZ
Posted 5/25/2010 at 1:52 PM by kirbym
Hey you are a pretty Good Writer.
I’m now a Fan.
But I’m Still Better.
(And Since I’m the only Judge)
The Verdict Stands.
But I will be Subscribing.
Posted 5/25/2010 at 2:6 PM by kirbym
Oh man I’m late reading this, despite your insulting humor sometimes, I laughed so hard at this entry!!
Posted 5/22/2010 at 1:39 PM by bluepillorredpill
Interesting, when we were child we also painted pics and shick them together, it is a good work to stimulate creative,keep up work! by Retro 14
Posted 5/25/2010 at 9:42 PM by airjorda
This post makes me realize the energy of words and pictures.It was very helpful for me and it’s filled with information. keep smiling and take care! by Sneakers
Posted 5/25/2010 at 9:44 PM by airoen