My New Gang
Hey everybody, I just wanna let you know that I started a new clique and we’re gonna be the coolest gang in the whole school! We call ourselves the Ginger Ale Kids ‘cause we drink Ginger Ales instead of beers! A lot of the other kids think they’re cool because they drink Budweiser beers but we’re the cool ones ‘cause we drink Ginger Ales instead! Alcohol is a drug, and you can get hooked! Not us Ginger Ale Kids though! Unlike Budweiser beers, Ginger Ales have no alcohol so we Ginger Ale Kids will never get hooked! That way we can have fun riding our bikes and playing Dungeons & Dragons and going to Comic Con!
Other kids in school think they’re cool ‘cause they smoke cigarettes! Not we Ginger Ale Kids! We chew Trident sugarless gum instead! Smoking cigarettes causes cancer, and you can die! Not Trident sugarless gum though! Four out of five dentists recommend it for their patients who chew gum! That way we can have healthy teeth and not die of cancer!
A lot of the kids in school think they’re cool ‘cause they’re having sex. Not us Ginger Ale Kids! We drink Ginger Ales instead! Sex is a sin, and you can get AIDS! Not us Ginger Ale Kids though! We’ve taken a pledge to wait until marriage! The other kids can have their fun doing bad things with penises and vaginas. We Ginger Ale Kids will drink our Ginger Ales instead! That way we won’t make Jesus mad and have to go to Hell when we die of AIDS! The Ginger Ale Kids will be in Heaven where there’s rivers and oceans of Ginger Ale so we’ll never run out! Not so for the other kids! They’ll be in Hell where there are no Ginger Ales or Budweiser beers or cigarettes to smoke or sex to have – just fire that will make them really thirsty! I bet they’ll wish they could have some Ginger Ales then! But they can’t! If only they had joined us Ginger Ale Kids instead of beating us up.