A Hateful Take on the Recent Terror Attacks in France

 

Mz. Hate n’est pas Charlie Hebdo
01/10/2015 6:00pm

Today we again go to Quincy, Massachusetts for a chat on recent events with our favorite bitter old hag Mz. Hate.

Good afternoon Mz. Hate. How are you today?

Oh just tell me what the fark you want already. You people with yaw good arftanoons and yaw questions about how I’m doin’. Ya know how I’m doin’?! Ya really wanna know how I’m doin’?!

Of course.

IT’S NONE OF YAW GAWDAMN BIZZNISS HOW I’M DOIN’!!! That’s how I’m doin’! Now ask me yaw stupid farkin’ questions before I hang-up the gawdamn phone!

Very well then. As you know, there’s been a recent wave of terrorist activity in France, including a shooting at the offices of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, where twelve people were killed, and a standoff at a kosher supermarket in Paris which left four hostages dead.

Meh, what can you do?

Doesn’t seem like you’re very sympathetic.

I’ve never cared much faw those slug and toad eating farking arseholes. You know, them people don’t bathe. They say the average French person uses harf a bah of soap a year. Can you believe that? In a whole farking year they don’t even wash enough to use harf a gawdamn bah of soap! It must stink to high heaven over there with all them slimy, dirty bastids!

That aside, you’ve got to admit that what happened last week was extremely tragic.

Oh I could give gawdamn less! Nobuddy seems to even care anymore about what happened at our farking Marathon a cupla years ago. Everybuddy’s all of a sudden all concerned about France. Fark France! They’ve never shown us one bit of farkin’ gratitude faw rebuilding their gawdamn country after World Waw Two! And fark New Yawk too! Those loud mouth farking crybabies have been whining about their farkin’ Twin Towahs faw farking years! Get the fark over it already! We had the same thing happen at the Marathon but they ain’t making a big deal about it every year on the anniversary with the farking moments of silence and reading everybuddy’s gawdamn names.

Well you can’t really compare 9/11 to what happened at the Boston Marathon. I mean three thousand Americans were killed on 9/11.

And there woulda been just as many here, if nawt more, but the Baswsten Police managed to stop those savages before they could do anymore farking damage. Gawd bless those men.

The bombers??

No, the farking cawps you arsehole!

Oh, okay. Anyway, I’m still not sure you can put the Marathon bombing in the same category as 9/11. I mean a few improvised explosive devices made from pressure cookers and small enough to be hidden in backpacks are hardly capable of inflicting the same amount of damage as jet planes being flown into two 110 story office buildings where 50,000 people were working.

Well the impawtant thing is they’ve nevah been able to do that in Bawsten.

Well, putting aside the fact that those two planes took off from Boston, I’m not sure the Police had any role in preventing the Tsarnaev boys from pulling off an attack of that same scale on Marathon day. In fact, one could conclude that, had the Police been properly doing their job that day, those bombs would have never detonated.

Now you just wait a minute! Those men put their lives on the line every day faw you and me’s sake. They can’t possibly stop every farkin’ towelhead that decides to set off a bomb in Ali-Baba’s name. What’s impawtant is that they caught those sonovabitches.

Yes, but only after a dangerous and probably unnecessary shoot out in Watertown and an unconstitutional door-to-door search of every house. But you are correct, in the end they managed to kill one of them and capture the other. Still, it would have been infinitely preferable if those boys never got the chance to set their bombs off in the first place.

You give the cawps a break. They do the best jawb they can. Bad enough they have to deal with all the shootings and stabbings the gawdamn blacks and Puerto Ricans are always doing, now they gotta be looking out faw A-rabs try’na blow-up the Marathon.

I believe the Tsarnaev Brothers were/are Chechnyan not Arabic.

Huh? What the fark are you saying?

Just that they were from Chechnya, a former Soviet Republic, not any Arabic country.

Either way. I tell ya it’s a disgrace that the Rollin’ Stones put that bastid, the one that ended up livin’, on the cover of their magazine. I never liked that jerk with the big lips, what’s-his-name, Mike Jabber.

I think it was actually Charlie Watts’ idea.

What?

Oh nothing.

Well if you ain’t got anything more to say then I got a farkin’ hair appointment to get ready faw. Gawd, I hope Irene is back from farking maternity leave already so I don’t get stuck with that Vietnamese girl again. I can’t understand a farking word she’s sayin’.

Well, um, I wish you well that. You have a good day Mz. Hate.

Oh go shit in yaw farkin’ hat you farkin’ arsehole.

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